Welcome back to VideoTape Magazine, a weekly newsletter we think you’ll enjoy if you’ve ever wished Uncle Phil a happy father’s day.

In today’s newsletter, Southwest Airlines is turning into Spirit, Brad Pitt is all the way back, and… what’s the plan, Denny’s?

If this was forwarded to you, please subscribe!

The Headlines

The Materialists is out, but the real gem is this Dakota Johnson press tour

Zebra no longer on the loose

We just had huge trades in both the NBA and the MLB

We are mere weeks away from the new F1 movie and I can’t wait

Southwest is turning into Spirit Airlines

I’m old enough to remember when Southwest was the airline for the people. Was it luxurious? Were there amenities? Were the peanuts they served stale? No, no, and yes, respectively.

But Southwest was one of the last places with no true hierarchy or hidden fees. You paid the price you saw on the website, even if you wanted to check a bag or two. As for seating? He who checked in first got the better place in line, then we all tumbled onto the plane and tried to find an aisle seat that suited our needs.

In other words, Southwest was the embodiment of the American Dream. And now that dream has been torn asunder. They are charging for bags and, soon, for seats.

Now, let’s talk about the state of chain restaurants…

A

For years, I’ve been pitching myself to chain restaurants as a consultant of sorts. When I was a kid in the 1990s and 2000s, chain restaurants were ubiquitous. They had sprung up everywhere, but especially in the suburbs. They provided a safe, consistent, kid-friendly option for young families. After your sons’ baseball game, you could take everyone out to Elephant Bar and feel good about it. Grandma and Grandpa would enjoy the versatility of the menu, and would offer to pick up the extremely reasonably priced tab when the meal was done. Your son was still in his dirty baseball uniform, but no one seemed to mind - in fact, you got a friendly smile from the woman at the booth next to you, who came over and told you in confidence, “I wish my kids were this well behaved.” And, best of all, the service was always amazing.

Chain restaurants have had a well-documented collapse since their heyday. People don’t need them in the same way. Now, delivery apps and fast casual options make eating more convenient. Review aggregator apps like Yelp or Google make eating at new restaurants feel exciting, rather than risky. Younger people are having less kids and are eating out less. Chain restaurants are shutting down their stores and filing for bankruptcy everywhere you look.

There are signs of life. A few years ago, BJ Novak teamed up with chef Tom Hollingsworth to create Chain, a heavily nostalgic dining experience that drew from the aesthetics and menu of the chain restaurants of yesteryear. The pop-up became popular in Los Angeles, drawing a crowd of disaffected millennials looking to feel something. This movement, though regional, is starting to transform into a broader movement. But is it too late?

Checking in on the pulse…

Applebee’s - 300 BPM

Applebee’s is doing the most. Known for their affordable drinking options like the dollarita, they are back with an All You Can Eat opportunity Chicken Tenders, Riblets, and Shrimp for $15.99. People are furious at the price increase, but one has to wonder…how can this be profitable for Dine Brands?

The Prognosis

Things aren’t looking great for Applebee’s, which just fell behind rival Chili’s for the first time. In the meantime, they’re changing menu items all the time and closing stores left and right.

My Fix

Drop the “…and grill” and let’s open a line of locations that are just Applebee’s Bar, where sad dads can meet up and enjoy dollaritas and happy hour food. I don’t think this will fix everything, but let’s simplify down to our first principles and see where that takes us.

Olive Garden - 60 BPM

Full disclosure: I recently dined at the Olive Garden in Meridian, Idaho and the experience was incredible. The servers were attentive and kind, giving us extra dipping sauce for our breadsticks, as well as free Italian donuts for dessert. Olive Garden, at its best, represents a slightly more upscale experience than some of its counterparts. You wouldn’t take your aunt to her birthday dinner at IHOP, but Olive Garden’s sweet Tuscany decor makes for a classy evening where everyone walks away happy.

The Prognosis

Clean bill of health.

The Fix

N/A

Denny’s - 20 BPM

What’s the appeal of Denny’s? For the rest of this list, I get it. Applebee’s can get you full and buzzed for under twenty dollars. Soup Plantation offers unlimited food for those of us with an endless appetite for salad. Denny’s should be the place where you can go and get a down and dirty, cheap breakfast whether it’s for actual breakfast, lunch, dinner, or the middle of the night. And yet, after tax and tip, a simple grand slam cost me 23 dollars.

The Prognosis

The prices are too high. At that point, I’ll just go to a restaurant with better food!

My Fix

We need a good old loss leader. Make Grand Slams five dollars again!

Souplantation - 5 BPM

Souplantation closed immediately when the Covid-19 pandemic started in 2020, completely wiped off the face of the earth. Or so I thought. You can imagine my surprise when I got this text from my co-editor

“A few weeks ago, I drove over an hour to the nearest Souplantation. It’s now under new management and goes by Soup ‘N Fresh, which is a better name in my opinion. I was skeptical that it could live up to my memories, but somehow it did. Nothing had changed. Same layout, same trays, same weird pasta salad and pizza slices. It felt like stepping into a time machine set to 2012. Equally delicious and disgusting.

Eating at Souplantation is like peeing at a urinal. Keep your head down, focus on yourself, and don’t look around unless you’re asking for trouble.

Quality 7/10. Efficiency 10/10. Business model in a city 2/10. Business model in the suburbs 10/10 “